How We Got (Rid Of) a Dog

29 03 2009

The short story: We are suckers.

The long story: One rainy evening after a long day at school, we spotted a small black dog lurking near the recycling stuff under our apartment building. He was utterly pitiful looking, and too frightened to come anywhere near us. So we left some Pringles and called it good.

The next morning the Pringles were gone, but the dog wasn’t. We left some water and a hunk of dried squid for him and headed on our merry way to work. I’d been meaning to eat the squid and write about it on the blog, but I just couldn’t get over its stench or uncanny resemblance to a giant dried booger. The dog, on the other hand, loved the revolting chew toy and was quite a bit friendlier when we saw him again after school.

We brought him inside, cleaned him up, and found him to be a cute, friendly, and happy little fellow. Over the next few weeks he got to get neutered, wear a cone, get vaccinated, go on walks, romp in the leaves, sleep in a comfy puppy bed, eat regular meals, learn English, and take lots of showers.

He earned those showers mostly because, in addition to being a dog, he was a veritable fountain of excrement. In spite of our best efforts at training him, and running home at lunch and after work to let him out, he continued using our floor as his personal toilet. Part of the problem was that when we would make attempts to train him not to pee in the house, he would get nervous, roll over onto his back and pee even more. When we put his leash on he would get excited and pee. When we coughed, he would pee. When we laughed, he would pee. When we looked at him funny, he would pee. It’s quite difficult to train something not to do a certain thing when the very act of training causes that certain thing to happen.

After three weeks of cleaning up at least one puddle or pile (usually more) at least once a day (usually more often), on Friday when we found our spare room to have wall-to-wall poo carpeting, we gave up on caring for the dog. We’d been trying to find him a permanent home, but the slight language barrier made that pretty complicated. On Saturday it looked like it was time for him to take his chances in the Korean animal shelter system, but what this dog lacks in sphincter control, he seems to make up for in luck. A Korean lady magically appeared out of the woodwork and offered to continue caring for the dog until she can find him a home.

Final Score: Dog 2 / Us 1 / Korean lady 0